Fucked up facts about Thailand that goes beyond the Hangover II

Tropical weather, cheap everything, tuk tuks and, of course, lady boys; that’s what crossed my mind when I thought about Thailand. Probably most of that knowledge was gathered by simply watching the Hangover Part II, but who cares. In other words, I didn’t know shit about this country.

If you’ve never been to Thailand, you probably have more or less the same associations, because big chance you’ve seen the Hangover Part II as well. But now that I’ve visited Thailand for almost three weeks, let me add some more associations to that list of yours, so that your only source of information about Thailand is not just from a movie. Warning: contains unethical content.

Ever seen a picture of someone with an actual living tiger on Facebook? Nope, me neither, but they exist, and most likely it’s taken in one of Thailand’s “Tiger Kingdoms”. A selfie with a tiger seems pretty bad ass, right? I agree, if those tigers weren’t so high as a freakin’ Bob Marley fan crowd. Of course, if you think about it, it makes totally sense that those giant striped cats are drugged. Otherwise they would have slaughtered every tourist before they could even smile in the camera. But at least you would go viral on the internet if that happens.

Let’s continue with the so called “ping pong shows” that are promoted on the most popular party street in Bangkok (Khao San Road). As a Thailand newbie, I had no clue what a ping pong show was. I figured, you probably don’t watch people playing ping pong, that seemed too obvious. A dude from the hostel explained to me that the show is basically about women shooting objects from their vagina, such as ping pong balls. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

So this disturbing as fuck show is theoretically illegal, but as many other things in Thailand, in practice, it’s tolerated. It’s all about the money. Especially this show is a moneymaker, because tourists get ripped off in all sorts of ways.

One technique they use to scam tourists is by charging them an additional fee to exit the show; so if you don’t pay, you don’t get out. Of course, that fee is three times as more expensive than the ticket to get in. But because going to a ping pong show is already illegal in the first place, good luck with explaining all that to the police 😉 

Not that I feel sorry for those who get ripped off, that’s karma for supporting sexual abuse as a mean of entertainment, pathetic scumbags. Yes, also backpackers who use the lame “I just wanted to check it out because I was curious” excuse, are not any better. Whatever lie people tell themselves to make it seem legit to attend that freak show, they still support sexual abuse. 

Another typical touristy thing that is sold on Khao San Road, are roasted scorpions on a skewer. Just because drunk tourists do stupid shit and Thai peeps can profit from that. Only the idea of eating a scorpion doesn’t seem very appealing, but my local friend managed to make it sound even more disgusting. He told me those scorpions can be weeks old if no one buys it. So dear readers, you all have been warned. 

Okay, maybe it’s time for some more happier thoughts. Thanks to my Thai friend, I’ve learned a cool new way to create space for car parking. My Thai friend was looking for a place to park, when she suddenly got out of the car and pushed a car away like it was nothing. And it’s not that she looks like some sort of bodybuilder champ. Like most Asians, she’s short and slim.

So that image of a tiny person pushing a car away made me brain-fart. Turns out that Thai parking garages are one big Tetris game; most people don’t lock their car breaks, so that others can move it when it’s in the way. Thai parking garages are full of surprises, you never know where you’ll find your car back.

She also told me that most cars in Thailand have blinded windows as a means of protection for women. Otherwise women behind the wheel are more likely to get robbed or worse. If a woman ever comes in that situation, I hope it’s a ladyboy who kicks that offender’s ass.

Thailand has surprised me by a lot of things, but mostly in a negative way. Don’t get me wrong, I had an awesome time there, thanks to all the nice people I’ve met and all the cool things we’ve done, but no Thailand is not my new fav vacay hot spot. I rather go back to the city from the Hangover I: Vegas baby!


What are your thoughts on Thailand, like or dislike?

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